I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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