fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
