Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
