Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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