My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
