hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
