How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
