Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
