i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
They have beer where we have blood.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
