saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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