So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
