Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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