she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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