we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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