I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
