I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
