There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
