Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
