and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
