I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
