I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
