I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
