I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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