I smell stomach acid.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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