Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
