The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
