Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
