I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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