im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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