I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
