The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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