people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
smell my finger.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
