I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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