Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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