I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
