We need to rekindle our bromance
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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