He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
