Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
