well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
