I feel like I'm in dance class right now
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
