I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
