I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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