babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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