So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
