I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
