Soap is not a condiment
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Still dying that you shit outside
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
