He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
