Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
