it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
