Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
