you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
