My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
