At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
