and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
