im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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