I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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