You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
