My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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