I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
